Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
