I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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