there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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