She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
