Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
