Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you never un-have a 4some
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
