thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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