No awkward lesbian experiences without me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
