I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
