She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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