I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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