I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
