she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
