I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
