he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
