Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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