Banned from zoo.
Again?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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