How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
