What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
