he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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