so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
