Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
