Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
