Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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