dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
