You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
