That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
