i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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