Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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