remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
foreskin is a definite game changer
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
