Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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