i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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