i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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