"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
