butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
