Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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