my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
