i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
