i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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