did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
