what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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