what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
