sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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