So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
