too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
