It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
