He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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