I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
