i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
