Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
