I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Randomize
