): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
