Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
