I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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