I think I just saw someone hide a body.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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