Im at strip club and am horny
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
