ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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