So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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