omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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