I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
