I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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