He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
