i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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