you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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