Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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