I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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