Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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