I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
