oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
