sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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