I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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