Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
