i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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