Only a mothe r could love this liver
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
