if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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