My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
